Traveling the northwest coast has been amazing. Washington, Oregon, and Northern California are breathtaking. The cliffs, the ocean, the fricking trees! It feels enchanting and has been somewhat healing.

We’ve been placing our Tessa Rocks everywhere along our way. The Golden Gate Bridge, the shores of Oregon, a lemonade stand in Seattle…anywhere we can. Sometimes we’ll leave a random act of kindness card with it and a couple dollars for a newspaper or a load of laundry. Hoping that it makes their day or helps them spread kindness or raise awareness for childhood cancer.

We had some friends of ours leave a Tessa Rock on the shores of Lake Michigan and had different friends of ours find it the next day!

We left a stack of firewood with a kindness card for our camping neighbors in South Dakota. They posted a picture of it on Instagram, and we found out we actually had a friend of a friend in common. Six degrees, people.

People have been leaving us messages about receiving the cards in South Carolina, Michigan, and even Alaska!

I’ve always said that Tessa reminds me of a lotus flower. That something so beautiful can grow through such nastiness. During her journey, she was such a radiant and admirable soul, surrounded by a horrible disease that took her childhood and her innocence. And she persevered with such grace and charisma regardless.

I feel this is just a continuation of that legacy. Through such an awful circumstance as her passing away, this other beautiful entity is created. The cards, the rocks and eventually our nonprofit to donate to finding a cure and helping other families going through this hellish journey. It’s one of the only things I can hold onto that gives me any peace. Knowing that we are finding ANYthing good from this and hanging on to it.

I’ve been looking for signs from her every day. And every day I find SOMEthing. A butterfly, a rainbow, a dragonfly, a song, the sun, the rain, the wind, the clouds, a bird, a dime, a penny, a feather, a rock and most recently- a single piece of gold glitter in a random place. I’ll take whatever I can find. Does it help? Sometimes. Maybe for a couple minutes. Sometimes it triggers the tears and that can feel good. It’s getting the tears to stop that is the tricky part.

Sometimes I feel my heart is starting to heal and other times it seems the grieving is getting harder and harder the longer I am without her. I know it will never be easy. But when does it stop being SO hard.

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